NGFL

Smo's Rant Page

16 March 2003 1038(CST)

This website started over 2 years ago. Although at first glance it appears we were taking the negative philosophies of a way of life for many nice guys and trying to ease the pain, this website had other motives. This website provided much needed therapy for me, Smo. I had just gotten out of the greatest relationship of my life, and the way it ended was probaby the worst way for such a great relationship to end. Reading through these pages, one can put the pieces of my stories together. I do not need to re-tell the story here. It seems to anybody that have read these stories that we were having a lot of fun, but this site became my sanctuary to release all my bitterness and all my anger that I suppressed into my being. I mean the girl just disappeared so it was easy for me to turn her into the OhiHO and get all the things off my chest that I wanted to because 1) I knew she'd never see this site and 2) I thought I'd never face her again. The truth is I faced her every night for 3 years as I would lie in my bed and try to sleep. I thought about what we had and why it had to go away, and I lied there wishing I could have it all back. Some of the greatest memories of my life came from the 4 months I spent with her. About a year and a half ago she got back in contact with me. She was then living in Indianapolis..or she was in Ohio getting ready to move to Indianapolis.. my memory is fuzzy. She called me every night for around a month and we would talk for hours and hours. I found it rather strange at the time, but I was getting a piece of that great time back. Things actually looked like we would one day end up back together. This is the rollercoaster known as my life. After about a month of spending every night on the phone with her... she disappeared, stop calling, etc etc. Then another year passed and once again I thought she was gone forever. But during that time we talked I showed her this website, let her read all the horrible things we had said about her, and let her hear all the songs that we made as The Nice Guys. After that, this site died. This site officially died once the infamous OhiHO finally laid eyes upon what had been going on behind her back for almost a year. She read about my pain, she read about my anger, and her...her knowing better than anybody else.. just knew. We made amends and things seemed better.

Several months ago, after months of silence, she got back in touch with me and turned out she was moving back to Tennessee and she now lives 2 hours southeast of me. She's been calling me on a regular basis for a couple of months and keeping in touch. She has a kid now and the father is nonexistent. Irresponsible and unable to face the consequences of his actions.. he's back in Indiana far away from his son. About a month or so ago, she called and told me that her family was coming up here to visit some friends of theres and she wanted to see me. So we made plans to spend the whole together. That day was yesterday, but first we have to go back to the beginning of the week. It had been 3 years since I had seen Carrie. Three years of regrets, three years of pain, three years of lyin in bed at night wishing to have what I had with her once again, and now that was about to be with me. Last Sunday, a beautiful day which started the spring breaks of not only MTSU but CSU, The Hubb made a joke about meeting me halfway somewhere in MO. A few hours later the joke turned into reality and Monday morning I woke up and drove 7 hours to Columbia, MO. Hubb and I bar hopped Monday night, got drunk, and spilled our hearts and souls out to each other and cried all our tears through each sip of beer we took. Of course, with the upcoming date of destiny ahead, we spent much of our drunken stupor discussing my situation with Carrie. Hubb knew the stories, but I made them clearer. He shared with me what he would do if put in the situation, but knew that it was much different for me. All week I was left wondering what was gonna happen. Yesterday is over and I am sitting here at 11 AM on Sunday typing all of this. Why? I don't know. Will anyone read it? Probably not, but my soul cries... My soul cries...I have not cried tears from my eyes since the day Carrie left for Ohio and we said our goodbyes to each other... 3 years of no tears....And I now sit here on the verge of crying for the first time in that 3 years... Seeing her, looking into her eyes...it brought back so much....and the moment I dropped her off last night a piece of me died...a piece of me that I held onto so tightly for 3 years... 3 years of questions, 3 years of wishes...3 years of dreams.... a part of me that thought he had everything... he had all the happiness.. he had the girl.... everything was going right... but those tears that early May morning 3 years... cleansed my eyes and I began to see the truth that my life was just now starting.. and I have suffered along with this pain and this emptiness for the past 3 years....and yesterday... when I saw her...looked into her eyes....heard her voice...saw her smile....it brought back everything....and last night when I came home trashed and passed out in my floor.. the pain... it was there...it hurt...and i just wanted to cry but i couldn't.....i can't put into words the way i felt....there's no word that could release this from my system.....this morning carrie called me and wanted me to go eat with her and her family... and she told me she wanted to see me again...and i too wanted to see her..but i could not imagine being put into a situation with her family and bringing back even more memories of when my life seemed close to perfection...a time that brought so many great memories...especially with this pain drilling through me......this pain that I had suppressed for years... it's been released once again...and depsite the fact i wanted to see her.. i couldn't put myself in a situation where i'd be around her family...cause it would only make me hurt more and then i would have to say goodbye to all them once again not knowing what will happen.....and now i sit here...and shed the first tear....the tear that have held deep inside of me...the tear that i have forgotten....3 years.....all piled back on top of me in 13 hours.....and finally after all that time... me eyes become moist... and i cry.....

15 December 2002 1607 (CST)

Dead? NGFL going out of style? What?! Never!!!! I do admit it has been a long long time, but NGFL will never die. It just took one person (a female for the record) to declare herself as the sole power that will bring our fan base back and make it better than ever. Where has the dynamic trio been all this time? Gro and Hubb can speak for themselves, but Smo has been busy. Music, school, work, record labels, beef, women woes, the list goes on. We're gonna try to bring this site back full force. If all goes well, we will be bringing a new case study every week. They will be bigger, better, and more off the wall than ever before. Smo, Gro, and Hubb. They can't be stopped. NGFL never stops. Prepare yourselves for the action. NGFL is back and better than ever.

One Mic Studios
Christmas With The B.U.N.K.S. - The Holiday Album