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Case Study: Death to Mass Mailings

*Screen fades in showing a table with a bowl of cereal and a box with the title Smo and Gro Frosted Flakes on it.

Announcer: This Case Study has been brought to you by those special folks over at Slapped Too Many Times. Start your day off with a special of bowl of Smo and Gro Frosted Flakes. The one way street to a healthy NGFL breakfast.

*Screen switches back to the lovely NGFL studio. Smo is sitting behind the desk alone.

Smo: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another episode of NGFL: Case Studies. If you've noticed, we've...errr I've been hard at work on the NGFL website. *NGFL: http://ngfl.freeservers.com/ flashes across the screen.* We've also undergone a huge exposure campaign trying to bring our fan base back and then some. *crickets chirping in the background* As you can tell, we've lost the fan base we had. Unless there are more people tuning in that we don't know about. You've got to e-mail us and post on our limited edition NGFL message board so you know we're here....Uhhh..or was that we know you're here?! Hmm..anyway, tell us that you keep up with the Case Studies. Fans get special spots in our Case Studies. Now for tonight's topic...

*Eery music begins playing.

Smo: Death to Mass Mailings.

*Hubb walks in and takes a seat behind the desk.

Smo: I bring in my friend and fellow NGFL member, Hubb for this show because he has lived this one. He has suffered from the same story I will be sharing with you tonight.

Hubb: Uhhh, what is tonight's story, Smo?

Smo: Well I'm glad you asked because I'm going to tell you. Even though the title should give it away.

Hubb: *ponders* Death to Mass Mailings.... I still don't get it.

Smo: *coughs* Florida....chain letters.....girl.

Hubb: *eyes widen and shock appears on his face* Ooooohh... yea, now I know.

Smo: I knew you would get it. Now, there's this girl. We became pretty good friends back in the day. I even spent some time with her on certain occasions.

Hubb: Smo with a girl? Interesting.

Smo: You know I was a playa in high school.

Hubb: True... true...

Smo: Even though I always had girls, I always ended up finishing last, but back to tonight's story. Anyway, so we've got a girl and I, pretty good friends, and we hung out on occasion. Well to keep this up to par with the story of my life, she went away...far away.

Hubb: I guess that would be the story of your life. Every girl I've known you to be with or go for has disappeared from the face of earth...err.. I mean your life.

Smo: Yes, Hubb. You are wise beyond your ears.

*Hubb's head begins inflating.

Smo: *looking at Hubb* This isn't Boxwell Hubb.

Hubb: Yea, yea. *Hubb's head begins deflating.*

Smo: Meanwhile, back at the ranch...

Hubb: I didn't know we were at a ranch.

Smo: We're not! Can I continue?

Hubb: *mumbles to himself* Yea, yea, go ahead.

Smo: So she disappears. Well thanks to e-mail, I still have a way to keep in contact with her. Only problem, even after telling me to e-mail her, I never get a response.

Hubb: *begins crying* The memories!!! *bawls*

Smo: Yes, yes. Well she reappears a few times, and I always get e-mails about that. So being the guy I am I try to make arrangements to chill with her or whatever just to catch up on what's new.

Hubb: That's one step farther than I got. *cries*

Smo: I'm not finished yet. I send e-mails, I talk to answering machines...nothing ever happens. This is all pretty depressing. I thought there was a friendship here. *tears up*

*Hubb continues weeping*

Smo: *clears throat and wipes eyes* She disappears again for a few months, then I get another e-mail saying she's reappeared. *tears roll down* After the failed attempts at talking to answering machines, I send an e-mail saying that I'd really like to see her and see how she's doing and everyting.

*Waterfall begins going off the front of the desk*

Smo: I received an e-mail today. Thinking it was a response to my e-mail I got excited. What did it say?

*A river flows out the NGFL door. A crew member brings in a sign. It reads: The HubbSmo River.

Smo: *breathing heavily* It said....*cries*

Hubb: *bawls*

Smo: ...It....it was a mass mailing to her entire address book saying she had a new e-mail address. *breaks down*

Hubb: *cries and cries and cries*

Smo: *wipes eyes* What are we gonna do about this?

Hubb: *crying* I don't know. *whimpers*

Smo: *straigthens up* We're gonna strike back!!!!!

*Hubb jumps up on the news desk. He runs his fingers under his eyes leaving a streak of red under the right eye and a streak of blue under his left eye. He rips off his pants revealing a loin cloth. Throwing his shoes into the HubbSmo River and tearing off his shirt, Hubb screams the warrior scream and grabs his hatchet. Hubb then looks down at Smo who has disappeared.

*Record screeches to a halt.

Hubb: *looking around confused* Smo?...Smo?.. I thought we were going to strike back!

*Mechanical sounds are heard coming from backstage. Boom, boom, boom with every step. Smo appears in a strange machine looking thing. Every step he takes shakes the entire studio. He has a machine gun on one arm and loaded bazooka over his left shoulder. Smo suddenly begins floating.

Smo: Hubb, what are you acting so silly for? This is Death of the Mass Mailings, not Braveheart.

Hubb: This is how I fight, Smo. You know me.

Smo: Hubb, this could be dangerous! You must go get your mech suit!

Hubb: Smo!! You know I don't play that way. I must stay true to myself and to nature.

Smo: *thinks Hubb has gone loco* If you insist.

*Noises are heard as the NGFL doors open up revealing a 50 member unit of vaccuum cleaners wearing signs that say Mass Mailing and Chain Letters.

Hubb: *yells the war cry and runs into battle* You will pay!!!!!

Smo: HUBBBBB!!!!!!!

*As Hubb approaches the vaccuum cleaners, they stop and jump into suction mode. Their engines roar as Hubb contines running. Hubb begins twirling his hatchet about his head as he lets the war cry roll once again.

Smo: He's a dead man.

*The vaccuum troop goes into suction mode and Hubb begins literally flying into battle. Just as he reaches the front line vaccuum parts begin flying everywhere. Hubb's constant war cry is heard as the roar of the vaccuum's become less and less.

*Smo has yet to move from his position. His jaw has dropped to floor as he watches Hubb.

*Back into battle, Hubb continues shredding apart the vaccuums. Suddenly his war cry stops.

*Smo looks on in horror.

Smo: HUBBBB, NOOOOO!!!! You mass mailings will receive death!!!

*Smo jumps out of his mechbot gear wearing nothing but a loin cloth. He rubs his fingers across his face leaving a colored palette of war paint on his cheeks. Pulling the machine gun off the mechbot suit, he charges in.

Smo: Ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Foooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!

*Smo begins unloadin his machine gun. Suddenly the magazine clicks. Smo looks down in shock as he realized the magazine is empty. With about 10 vaccuums left, Smo runs for his life.

Smo: Everyone run for your life!!! *Smo jumps into the HubbSmo River*

*Hubb's war cry is once again heard. As Smo emerges from the flowing tears to witness Hubb finishing off the vaccuums with his hatchet.

*Smo's jaw drops to the bottom of the river and he begins gagging and hacking after swallowing the salty tears.

*Vaccuum parts continue flying everywhere finally leaving one cleaner.

Hubb: You're mine little sucker.

Vaccuum: ....

*Showdown begins playing in the background. The vaccuum revs up at Hubb. Hubb responds with a war cry. The vaccuum revs again. Hubb leaps toward the vaccuum with hatchet twirling above his head.

*Smo continues choking on the swallowed tears.

*The sound of the vaccuum finally falls to silence as we see Hubb rising above the pile of cleaner bags, power chords, and broken handles. He looks up into the sky and begins beating his chest as he give one long, long, long war cry.

*The screen fades out as Smo is shown still hacking and gagging.