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Case Study: The New Year Bringing Changes?!?!!?

*Screen and music fade in. Smo and Gro are lounging around in Gro's office. Hubbard's up in the announcer's booth. All is calm and quiet around the NGFL Studio.

Hubbard: Welcome to today's NGFL: Case Study. We've had a long break over Christmas, but we expect things to speed back up soon. We really don't have anything for today's episode, but.......

*Suddenly the LCD screens all over the studio begin blinking furiously. The phones and fax machines start going crazy. Hubbard, Gro, and Smo look around in amazement. Gro reaches over and picks up one of the hundreds of faxes that have just come in.

Smo: What the heck is going on?!

Hubbard: What did you guys do? This isn't funny. I actually thought something was happening, but then I thought twice.

*Gro turns the fax over and reads it. His jaw drops to the floor, and he appears speechless. After several attempts of trying to speak Smo goes over and picks up another of the faxes. Smo turns it over and reads it and falls to the floor in shock. Hubbard seeing what's happened to Smo and Gro, goes downstairs and picks up a fax. Hubbard also appears shocked.

Hubbard: Uhhh...uhhhh....ahhh..uh...whoa...I can't.... oh man.... I can't believe this.

*Smo gets up and Gro rolls his jaw up off the floor. They all try to compose themselves. Smo and Gro head to the news desk, and Hubbard goes back to his booth.

Smo: Ok, let's get ready for a show. The new millenium starts and this happens. Could the eternal truth be changing?!

Gro: (Stands there in amazement)

*The screen fades out for a few moments then fades back in. Smo and Gro are behind the desk.

Hubbard: I hope you all had a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. We've had some excitement this morning in the studio. So with no delay, here are your hosts, Smo and Gro.

*Recorded applause plays.

Smo: Well, well, and well. We are all in a state of shock as we bring you an early morning edition of NGFL: Case Studies. Gro and I were lounging around the studio waiting for something to happen. All at one time, we received hundreds of news bulletins from our assocites over in Beijing, China, Tokyo, Hong Kong, Paris, London, Hawaii, Canada, and even Greenland. Yes, people, nice guys finish last all over the world. Anyway, after making several phone calls and confirming these faxes, we bring to you the start of the new millenium. These faxes simply had a big, bold, three-word statement on them.

*Smo picks up a piece of paper and holds it up for the world to see. The camera zooms in. The paper reads: JERK FINISHES LAST.

Gro: Simply amazing and unbelieveable, Smo. Does this mean that the new millenium has brought about a change to the eternal truth?!

Smo: I really don't think so. I think this is just a rare case where an exception has occured to the rule. Anyway, on with the story. After researching and finding this "jerk", I called him and requested his story. We have decided to bring him on the show via satellite. So, live from L.A. via satellite, we bring you "The Jerk".

*Screen comes down behind Smo and Gro and a figure appears. The figure is sitting in the darkness to protect his identity (upon request) and his voice has been computerized for further security purposes.

Gro: Hello, Jerk. We're glad to bring you to today's show to share this story with the whole world.

The Jerk: Thanks, Gro. I always thought this NGFL thing was a load of crap, and I thought you guys were just a bunch of losers. Then this happnens to me, and I now have sympathy for what you guys go through.

Smo: Don't worry about apologizing for your thoughts. We're used to it.

The Jerk: I wasn't going to anyway, but ok.

Smo: Ok. We're going to turn it over to you and let you tell your story.

The Jerk: Please forgive me if I get a little emotional. This has never happened to me before.

Gro: It's quite all right.

The Jerk: Well, I've got this friend, and he's got a girlfriend. And, currently I've just been playing the field. You know, going with that playa mentality that all of us jerks have. Anyway, I got to know his girlfriend, and we became pretty good friends.

Gro: And the fun begins...

*Hubbard is heard laughing as if he knows how this story is going to go.

The Jerk: Well, like I said, I became close to my boy's girl. This all happened rather quickly so keep that in mind as I tell the story. Well, let me just say that my homie's girl is like the definition of fine. I'm talking the one girl you'd just want to... well you get the idea.

Smo: Yea, we understand. It happens too often to us.

The Jerk: Ok, so with that in mind let's me continue. So, this girl's like a knockout. And on New Year's Eve, we were all relaxing at a party, and I started thinking to myself, "Isn't there a tradition of kissing someone on New Year's?" And of course, I remembered there was. So, here's my chance to score one on the knockout. Heck yea!! Open opportunity for the "playa". So, we're all getting ready for the New Year to roll around, and I look around and my homie has dissappeared. I almost went into shock. My homeboy's gone, there's a tradition of kissing someone on New Years, and there's a fine lady standing right there. Well, being the playa I am, I decided to go for it. The New Year rolls around, I walk over to her and kiss her. Ahh man, it was as good as I imagined. It was probably just all in my head because I was so amazed by this girl's looks, but that kiss was awesome.

Hubbard: (Heard laughing) You stupid, idiot! (continues laughing)

Gro: (puts his head into the desk in the shame) What an idiot!

Smo: Well, finish the story.

The Jerk: Well after that kiss, I got attached. Things started happening between my homeboy and his girl. You know jerk's don't stay in relationships that long anyway, but things were looking for myself. Well, I'm thinking that things are going my way. I've got a chance to pick up, yet another fine lady, and add her list to my little black book.

Gro: I don't even have a little black book. Life can be so unfair.

Hubbard: I had a little black book when I was in first grade, but then the girl's grew up and figured out that nice guys always finish last.

Smo: I have a little black book, but I've never called or talked to any of the girls listed in it.

The Jerk: You guys are nice guys, though. You're not supposed to get chicks.

Gro: Ding, ding. Give him a cookie and a free punch in the face. Thanks for the reminder pal.

Hubbard: (throws one of his shoes at the projection screen) Take that....jerk!!!

The Jerk: So, things are looking my way. Then I find out that they had patched things up, and that was the end of me. I can't describe the feelings that I felt. I was crushed, pissed, depressed, the list goes on of all the emotions I felt. I actually think I'm falling in love with this girl, man. It's terrible.

Smo: Well, I'm glad this stuff doesn't happen to us. We stay depressed, crushed, pissed, and alone, and even all those other emotions you felt. Except we usually don't fall in love with girls. We live for constant dissappointment. It's a way of life for us nice guys.

Gro: Yea, we learn to live with it, but it still gets pretty bad.

*Hubbard throws his other shoe at the projection screen.

Smo: Well folks, you've heard it for yourself. A jerk has finished last. What is this world coming to? A lesbian society, maybe? Who knows?! That's all for today.

*The screen fades out as Gro, Smo, and Hubbard all sit around still in shock of the day's events.