Case Study: Like A Chump


*Screen and music fade in. We see Smo and Gro behind the desk with the NGFL emblem in front.

In-studio Announcer (Hubbard): Welcome to another thrilling episode of NGFL: Case Studies. Now here's you're (sarcastically) lovely hosts, Smo and Gro.

*Recorded applause is heard in the background.

Gro: Hello. Today, it's back to the grass roots of NGFL. Telling you how Nice Guys Finish Last.

Smo: You mean we have an actual story, and we're not going to get chased, or beat up, or jump in a pool of jello?!

Gro: No, not today. Here's the scene. The victim has been talking to this girl for two weeks, before the winter dance. Our man, being the nice guy he is, doesn't push himself or get to over aggressive with this girl.

Hubbard: (Not realizing his mic is still on) Here we go again with another chump story.

Gro: (Looks towards annoucer's booth) I don't believe anyone said it's time for the announcer.

Smo: (singing) Sunny days, keeping the clouds away...

Gro: Anyway, the next thing you he knows this girl appears to next to him.

Hubbard: (sarcastically) Yippeee skippeeee.

Smo: (singing) Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street...

Gro: If I may continue...

Hubbard: (sarcastically) Please do.

Gro: (Rolls eyes) This girl appears next to him...

Hubbard: (Fake snore. Sarcastically) We already got that part.

Gro: (Appears perturbed) This girl appears next to him...(Pauses for any interruption)... waiting to get in, and in the process discovers she doesn't have enough money to get in...

Smo: The tables have turned. (Pushes button on remote) (Singing) This is the song that doesn't end...

*Gro slaps Smo in the back of the head.

Gro: Would you shut up!

Smo: (singing) Yes it goes on and on my friends...

Gro: Arg!!! Anyway, guess what our nice guy does?

Hubbard: He should have taken a flying leap off of the Empire State Building!

Gro: Hey stickman! Who pulled your strings?!

Smo: He should have gone into the dance and found another woman because she was just digging for gold.

Gro: Call NASA! We have a rocket scientist here, boys!

Smo: As long as Ben Affleck dies and not me or Bruce Willis.

Hubbard: Amen to that.

Gro: Ok, now that we have a consensus, I'll continue. The nice guy pays her way into the dance and BAM!!

Hubbard: BAM!! He should have shot himself!

Smo: Russian roulette with all six chambers filled.

Gro: Would you two shut up!!??! Anyway, the moment she walks in the door, she hooks up with another guy.

*Smo begins singing...

Smo: Like a chump, hey!...Like a chump, hey!...Like a chump, hey! He should have jumped off the building.

Gro: And he wished he had.

Hubbard: Me too!

Gro: Anyways, our poor loser spends the rest of his night watching this girl and the other guy make out all over the dance floor. Gag me!

Hubbard: I'd love to!

Gro: Ok. That's it. What's your deal Hub?!

Hubbard: Well, it's just I went all weekend without hooking up with this chick that I liked before I left. Girls suck!

Gro: You said it man.

*Smo begins singing "Girls Suck" as the screen fades to black.



©2000 da_soundman Productions